January

January

Phew, it’s February already. Time flies fast eh? It feels like holiday that I just had was yesterday! I don’t know whether I am the only one who feels this way or not. But this occurrence of mine should be caused by one thing. One thing that all of the high school third graders worry about, SBMPTN.

Like I wrote on my post before. I got the highest score on the first tryout held by KPMBB. Back then, I wasn’t sure if it was pure skill or pure luck. But turns out, it’s both. After that, I also attended the SIMAK UI tryout held by IMAWANGI. Surprisingly I came out as the highest scoring in SOSHUM type! And after SIMAK UI, I again attended the SBMPTN tryout held by KPMBS, and again I came out as the highest scoring in SOSHUM. And recently last Sunday, I attended SIMULTAN tryout held by KPMBY but the result hasn’t come out so far.

After those series of winning, especially three times in a row, one can can be extremely confident. And as always, I was. I admit that happens to me also. I was overjoyed and those winning streak improved my confidence that was high already. In fact, because my high level of confidence, I even shunned others. Others who were not so confident about their ability, and choose the safest way instead, by choosing the less favorite study programs and/or universities. I called them cowards.

Until last Sunday, I realized something.

Last Sunday tryout was very different because it applied the regulation of SBMPTN. Including its scheduling system and number of items, which is 90 for TKPA and 60 for TKD. And I could say it was pretty realistic compared to the earlier tryouts I attended. And after the tryout, it was a session of experiences sharing by the UGM students. And  from there I got a moment of clarity.

Before this, I had came across a lot of seniors who themselves weren’t so lucky in the SBMPTN. Their stories started the same. They were very confident, they aimed too high for their standards, and they failed and had to continue on another universities which they never thought before. But as usual, I refuse to believe and my conclusion was their efforts weren’t hard enough.

And last Sunday, a session of experience sharing by UGM students really enlighten me. Because they stressed the importance of understanding ability of self which I never done and importantly, putting aside any young idealism and high expectations. They said SBMPTN isn’t that easy. Even one of them admitted that his current study program wasn’t his original choice. His original choice was international relations. He said that choosing international relations is no joke, no joke at all.

I know that he was one of the best student in his school. He was from social class, smart, and prepared, yet he choose the safe way. Meanwhile, I’m from science class but I’m not the brightest in my class, and my level of preparedness is questionable yet I boast to everyone that I will pass through SBMPTN. And it seems like everyone believes in me. But it isn’t people beliefs that will get you through.

I admit. I still aim for international relations. My aim hasn’t changed even a bit. But last Sunday experience gave me some insights about my dream. That he path I choose to victory isn’t smooth at all. There lies all sorts of torment in various form. And for me, last Sunday experience was a huge game changing moment. Because it left a precious thoughts for me, that I should have fear. Fear of my inability to compete, fear of failure, and fear of my own confidence and idealist mind. But whatever lies ahead now or later, my goal is simple. Be prepared for everything. Train hard, fight easy.

Warm regards, Lucke Haryo.